Some mornings I wake up and the first thing coherent thing I do is write up a long post about stopping sexual violence and changing the rape culture. But to spare you the long detailed analysis, I’m just going to make a few declarations about ways to cut down on sexual assault and diminish/eradicate the rape culture.
(Apologies if this comes off as a little trigger-ish. I won’t take it personally if you want to stop reading at any point.)
This post is mostly for the guys, but also for everyone. Rules to live by, if you will.
[1] Stop raping people.
[2] Stop thinking ”I would never rape” and using that as an excuse not to be involved in this. You’re involved.
[3] Stop talking about “real men” being “strong, active, aggressive, etc.” It’s a tiny step from there to “dominant and sexually assertive.” This suggests that men need to be dominant to be men, which usually means they need to get their way, which often means they need to have sex when they want it.
[4] Stop using gendered insults like “girly,” “sissy,” “pussy,” ”bitch,” “slut,” or lots of worse things you’re thinking of right now. When you call someone “a woman” (particularly in a very demeaning way) as an insult, you’re not only expressing that you hate women but you’re encouraging those around you (such as your friends, kids, etc) to think of women as inferior and less than worthy of respect.
[5] Stop dismissing assertive or significant women as “bitches” or “uppity” or much worse. Women have every right to be successful and effective in the workplace, home, TV, movies, etc., as you do. Have some respect.
[6] Stop laughing at rape jokes. They’re not funny.
[7] Stop supporting sexual abusers such as convicted politicians, actors, clergy, business people, celebrities, friends, etc.–anyone who is convicted of sexual violence or attempted sexual abuse. These people need help, not publicity.
[8] Stop blocking or voting against equal/civil rights (such as the vote, equal pay, marriage, etc) for women, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals, or anyone on the gender/sexuality spectrum. We are all human beings, and thinking you can deny human rights to someone means you don’t think of that person as human.
[9] Stop trying to keep women from having birth control or medical coverage. Not only does this make you look like you hate women, but it’s also pretty lame to think you know what’s best for billions of women when you aren’t even one woman. (And even if you *are* one woman, they’re still billions who have all kinds of reasons for wanting birth control or medical coverage, including but not limited to living comfortable lives free of misery and pain.)
[10] Stop thinking of violence as “sexy” or thinking of rape as “sex.” Rape isn’t an act of sex–it’s an act of violence. When you sexually act on someone who isn’t fully engaged, consensual, and into it, you are committing an assault on that person. Make “do no harm” the basis of your morality.
[11] Stop analyzing what “no” means. It means no. I don’t care how good a guy you are or what she promised or what she’s wearing or how long you’ve been together or how much you love her. NO means NO.
There. Not such a long list, is it?
Cheers
P.S. This list is simplified, obviously. There are LOTS more things you can do. Check out this website for some more on this topic: http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html?m=1
